Elections 2000!
by Gemini1
Summary: A repost of the 2000 Presidential Elections-RK style! Meet the candidates! See what they stand for! Read their bios and more!
1. Explanations and Candidates

First of all, some background to this story:

This first appeared on the Rurouni Kenshin Fanfiction Discussion list back in September of 2000, when the United States Presidential Elections were in full swing. Because I was in college at the time, and supremely bored, I got the whacked out idea to run some members of the RK cast for president. 

What follows is 7 chapters of weirdness. There are bits of information missing, mostly because there were discussions on the mailing list that were not saved that forwarded the "plot" of this funky little experiment. I'll try to fill in those gaps where I see them. 

During the time this story was going on, I had a webpage on geocities and I was running an actual election via an on-line poll to determine the winner. I personally had no hand in the results. The people spoke louder in this case than they did in the real life US elections that fall. 

Why am I posting this now? Two reasons. 

First, I think it's funny. 

Second, I'm planning on doing it AGAIN this fall. That's right…RK Presidential Election 2004 will happen and I wanted the people to know what happened in 2000. 

Right. On to the story. Oh, by the way, I left my demented little ramblings before each chapter because, well, they're funny. Obviously, I was insane in college. 

* * *
    
    Elections 2000! 
    
    Well...it's election year and...well...I really have no excuse for this
    
    other than it amused me during French class when I'm not normally amused.
    
    Umm...as for the parties...well...I mean no disrespect to anyone's
    
    particular party affiliation, everyone has the right to go their own way, I
    
    just put each character with the party that fit them best. Really...don't
    
    smite me. Generalizations galore...I was raised in a political household, but
    
    I never really paid attention. ^^x
    
    There will be more unless you absolutely hate it!
    
    Some spoilers for Revenge Arc
    
    Standard Disclaimers Apply
    
    And now...without further ado: Elections 2000!

* * *
    
    The Candidates: 
    
    Democratic Party
    
    **Candidate: **Himura Kenshin
    
    **Slogan: **"Oro?"
    
    Some political stands:
    
    Anti-death penalty
    
    "No one is fundamentally bad...[rest edited out for time]
    
    **Vice President Candidate: **Shinomori Aoshi
    
    **Why: **"Well....it was either him or Sano...and I thought he'd be less of a
    
    risk."
    Sano: HEY!
    
    **Political Heroes: **Gandhi, Abraham Lincoln
    
    "Gandhi's passivism in the face of adversity was truly admirable."

* * *
    
    Republican Party
    
    **Candidate:** Shishio Makoto
    
    **Slogan:** "Vote for me or else"
    
    Some Political Stands:
    
    Pro-Death Penalty
    
    "The weak will become food for the strong...[rest edited because it was
    
    scary]
    
    **Vice President Candidate: **Houji
    
    **Why: **"He is very loyal and his organization skills are unsurpassed. Why...he
    
    could assemble an army to take over the world in under twenty minutes!"
    
    **Political Heroes:** Stalin, Napoleon
    
    "Josef Stalin was extremely good at smiting his enemies with style."

* * *
    
    Independent Party
    
    **Candidate:** Yuukishiro Enishi
    
    **Slogan:** "Vote for me, not Himura!"
    
    Some political Stands:
    
    Jinchuu
    
    "By running on an independent ticket, I can take votes away from Himura and
    
    thus fulfill my Jinchuu!"
    
    Reporter: But what are your political beliefs?
    
    Enishi: "Huh?"
    
    **Vice President Candidate:** Nee-san
    
    **Why:** "Because she's always guided me down the path to revenge and potential
    
    insanity."
    
    **Political Heroes:** The Mongols
    
    "Their usage of psychological as well as physical destruction in war was
    
    truly forward thinking. And nee-san likes them."

* * *
    
    Stay tuned for next week when we profile the Vice Presidential Candidates
    
    and hear them debate!
    
    Here are some excerpts from the VP debate.
    
    **Peter Jennings:** "What would you do if the president became incapacitated and you had to take office?"
    
    **Aoshi:** "..."
    
    **Tomoe:** "..."
    
    **Houji:** "Shishio-sama would NEVER become incapacitated! He's invincible!
    
    AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
    
    **Peter Jennings:** Oookay, let's go to commercials.


	2. Presidential Debate

Note from Gem: There were no published Vice Presidential Debates, only some hilarious  
comments on the discussion list about what went on. Long story short, somehow, Hiko got  
dragged from his hermit's hut and was forced to run for president. Because he decided that  
there wasn't a party cool enough for him, he created his own: The Way of Heaven Party,   
whose primary beliefs seemed to revolve around sake, pottery and the art of being surly. 

Now that I've explained that, on to the Presidential Debates!  
  


* * *

College? What college? Ha! Here's the next part of the whole political  
debate thing, be sure to read all the way to the bottom for an exciting  
announcement that proves, without a shadow of a doubt, that I have waaaayyyy  
too much time on my hands!  
Enjoy!  
-Gem  
(Oh, and thanks Mo-chan for bringing Hiko into this mess! ^^x )  


* * *

  
**Presidential Debate**  
  
And the Players Are:  
**Peter Jennings,** ABC News, moderator (and seriously considering moving back  
to Canada) (PJ)  
**Himura Kenshin**, Democratic Party Presidential Nominee (HK)  
**Shishio Makoto**, Republican Party Presidential Nominee (SM)  
**Yukishiro Enishi**, Independent Party Presidential Nominee (YE)  
**Hiko Seijuuro**, Way of Heaven Party Presidential Nominee (HS)  


Random RK members MAY pop up  
**Standard Disclaimers Apply**  
I have a Imperial China History Midterm Tomorrow  
I should study  
Genghis Khan was a nutty guy  
And now on to the show!  
  
**PJ:** Greetings and salutations, America. We are LIVE in Washington, D.C.  
tonight to air the Presidential Debates. With us tonight are the three front  
runners in the race. NOT joining us is the surprise fourth candidate, Hiko  
Seijuuro, who announced his candidacy last night at the Vice Presidential  
Debates. I have a prepared statement from Hiko concerning his absence. It  
reads:  
  
"I do not have to participate in a debate because I am always right. You  
know it, I know it and America knows it. Besides, I have a hot date tonight."  
  
**PJ:** Okay, well, why don't I introduce the other three candidates? Democratic  
nominee, Himura Kenshin  
  
**HK:** Thank you very much, Peter Jennings-dono. Sessha is very pleased to be  
here de gozaru.  
  
**PJ:** Your very welcome, Kenshin. Also joining us is the Republican nominee,  
Shishio Makoto,  
  
**SM:** Good evening, weakling.  
  
**PJ: **Ahem, and, our third candidate, Independent nominee, Yukishiro Enishi, Welcome  
Enishi.  
  
**YE:** Thanks, and Nee-san says hello.  
  
**PJ: **Well, gentlemen, doubtless you were watching your VP choices last night,  
and except for that unfortunate incident with the chicken and Hiko's  
surprise announcement, I must say they did very well in representing their stands and  
debating in a way that furthered political discourse. Hopefully, the same will happen tonight.  
Now, on to our first question: If there was a viable nuclear threat from another nation, how  
would you handle it? We'll start with Kenshin.  
  
**HK:** Well, Peter-dono, I think that any problem can be solved through long  
and thoughtful negotiations. If we can just find out what's bothering that  
particular country...  
  
_Snort from Shishio_  
  
**PJ:** Do you have an opinion on this, Shishio?  
  
**SM:** Peter, what my weak sempai over there fails to realize is that this  
country isn't going to back down. The only way to deal with them is to nuke  
the bejeezus out of them first. They can't kill us if they are already dead.  
  
**PJ:** Good point. Anything to add, Enishi?  
  
**YE:** I would first send Kenshin to whatever country I was bombing and THEN  
I'd press the big red button.  
  
**PJ: **Right. Well...we seem to have a question from the audience. Yes, young  
lady?  
  
**Misao:** Himura, if you are elected President, will you pass legislation that  
will require Aoshi-sama to ravish me? Because frankly, I'm getting tired of  
waiting for him to figure it out on his own.  
  
**HK:** Oro?  
  
_sounds of struggle as Peter Jennings wrestles the mic away from Misao._  
  
**PJ: **And back to the matter at hand. Everybody here is concerned over the  
rising prices of oil in America...how will you solve this problem? Shishio?  
  
**SM:** Well, I already have a large personal supply of petroleum, so I don't  
worry about it. If the others weren't smart enough to get their own large  
supplies of petroleum, that's not my problem.  
  
**PJ:** Ookay. Next question...this is an easy one, fellows. How do your  
significant others feel about your race for the presidency? Enishi, we'll  
start with you.  
  
**YE:** Nee-san thinks its a very good idea. I can accomplish my jinchuu faster  
if I have the FBI, CIA and the United States Military under my control.  
  
_Collective Sweatdrop_  
  
**PJ: **Kenshin?  
  
HK: Well...Kaoru-dono...err...sorry, Kaoru made me do it.  
  
**PJ:** Shishio?  
  
**SM: **Yumi likes whatever makes me happy.  
  
**PJ: **Next question: Yes or no? Kenshin?  
  
**HK:** Oro?  
  
**PJ: **Incorrect. Shishio?  
  
**SM:** No.  
  
**PJ:** Enishi?  
  
**YE: **No.  
  
**PJ:** Good. Next question: Some people are worried about your collective  
pasts, ones that are rooted in violence and death, can the American public  
trust you with their lives? Shishio?  
  
**SM: **Nope.  
  
**PJ:** Enishi?  
  
**YE:** In they vote for me, then they have nothing to fear.  
  
**PJ: **Kenshin?  
  
HK: I do admit to having a dark past, but I've overcome that part of  
myself...I am simply a peaceful rurouni.  
  
**PJ:** Here's an ethical question: Does power corrupt? Kenshin?  
  
**HK:** Yes, definitely. But I think that with the proper upbringing and sense  
of self, a person can avoid those pitfalls.  
  
**PJ:** Enishi?  
  
**YE:** Power only corrupts those already corrupt with power.  
  
**PJ:** Huh? Shishio?  
  
**SM: **The corrupt are the only ones in power, therefore, they are the strong  
ones.  
  
The debate continued along this vein for some time. There are only a few  
interruptions, once when Enishi became hysterical because "Nee-san" was no  
longer smiling at him after an answer, and another time when Shishio tried  
to bite Kenshin. Issues were discussed, proposals made and...a few times,  
voters were frightened. All in all, a successful night.  
But the question remains: WHO will become the next President of the United  
States? Will it be the Compassionate Himura? The Conservative Shishio, the  
Cocky Hiko or the Crazy Yukishiro?  
Here's the fun part: YOU decide.  
(The above WAS a plug for the now-defunct voting site. Ignore that. The voters already decided, as you will see.)


	3. Presidential Candidate Bios

Notes from Gem: Okay, let's see...Presidential Biographies. Not much to mention here, except that  
I still occasionally indulge in Mobil Mart nachos. Mmmm...fake cheese. 

* * *

Hey guys. Don't you hate the feeling you get when you've had waaaayyyy too  
much caffeine? Sort of jumpy? Eeeekkk. Anyway, here's some more stuff for  
the Presidential Race...candidate biographies! If you've been to the  
elections site then you've already seen these, but I thought, what the hell, I'll post them.  
As it currently stands, Himura Kenshin is leading in the polls, followed by  
Hiko Seijuuro, Yukishiro Enishi and finally, Shishio Makoto.  
  
**Shisio:** Why am I last? You'll be hearing from me, Gemini!  
**Me:** gulp  
  
Well, things can still change, so vote today!  
  
A note on the biographies, *THEY CONTAIN SPOILERS* AND...  
I do not have time to pound out biographies on these candidates. I mean,  
there's the research and then the actual writing and  
editing...it could take DAYS. And I just don't have time.  
Well sure, I have time to tool around with my webpages and  
take long afternoon naps, watch Weiss Kreuz and DROOL and I  
even have time for Midnight Nachos at Mobile Mart, but not  
time for this. So, what I have done is ask the people who  
really know the candidate to write the bios for me. I know  
they're less objective this way, but they do get the facts  
right and frankly, they can be really funny. You should read  
Yumi's! It's a scream!  
  
Okay, well...on to the bios! Thanks to Kaoru, Yumi  
and Tomoe for taking time from THEIR Midnight Tofu Runs at Meiji Mart to write these.   


* * *

**  
Himura Kenshin**  
  
Born on June 20, 1849, Himura Kenshin began his life as  
Himura Shinta, the son of peasant farmers. Early on, living  
in relative poverty while others lived in wealth beyond  
imagining, young Himura saw the need for change. After  
losing his parents tragically to cholera, he briefly spent time as a  
slave before being adopted by the surly sword master Hiko Seijuuro.  
Hiko changed young Shinta's name to Kenshin and began  
teaching him Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu, a sword technique whose  
purpose was to protect the innocent.  
  
As a handsome teenager, young Himura and his master disagreed on several  
matters, most importantly, the needs of the people. Himura  
wanted to help the outside world with his sword while Hiko  
advised he bide his time. Against his master's wishes,  
Kenshin left home and became a member of the Ishin Shishi to  
fight injustice. At the tender age of fourteen, he became an assassin  
for the Ishin.   
  
Thus began, as he himself has put it, "the darkest years of  
my life." He began his career as an assassin but was unable  
to fulfill those duties after the completely accidental death of his  
wife, the devious Himura Tomoe. He served the rest of his time with the  
Ishin as a member of their Kyoto sword squad and, when the  
Tokugawa government was overthrown at last, he left Kyoto to  
begin repenting for his deeds during the war.  
  
He wandered Japan for ten years, a handsome, moody legend with a  
reverse sword and a firm resolve never to kill again. Along  
the way, he helped many people. Whether it was as small as  
helping an old woman carry her groceries or as large as  
saving someone's life, he did it all, without complaining  
and never asking for more than maybe a place to rest for the  
night or, if they could spare it, a hot meal.   
  
After ten years of wandering, he found himself in Tokyo. It was  
there that he met his second wife and love of his life,  
the beautiful kenjitsu master, Kamiya Kaoru, the owner of the Kamiya Dojo.  
  
There were a few missteps in their relationship: an ill-advised trip to Kyoto,   
a psychotic ex-brother in-law, an unfortunate incident with some tofu, Seishouhen, but  
after a few years, the handsome swordsman finally married the beautiful  
kenjitsu master. They live quite happily in Tokyo, with their absolutely   
adorable young son, Kenji.   
  
During his long years of searching for repentance, Himura has  
fought for and saved the lives of countless people, many of  
whom he calls his friends today. He has saved Japan from  
threats unimaginable and all with a reverse sword and a  
heart as big and strong as his name suggests.  
  
Written by Himura (Kamiya) Kaoru, Adjunct Master Kamiya Kasshin Ryu Dojo  


* * *

**Shishio Makoto**  
  
In August of 1848, in the province of Choshuu, the world was  
blessed by the birth of the magnificent Shishio Makoto-sama.  
Little is known about his childhood, but from what I  
understand, his parents were mean and deserved what they  
got.  
  
As a child and later a young man, Shishio-sama showed  
extraordinary sword aptitude. At the age of twelve, he was  
able to defeat men who were twice his age and had studied  
sword arts twice as long. They fell before the might of  
his large, unmerciful blade, just as I would fall before the   
might of his _other_ large and unmerciful blade many years later.  
  
An ambitious young man, he joined ranks with the Ishin Shinshi,  
replacing the sub par and weak Hitokiri Battousai, and performing his  
job skillfully and with ease. He both frightened and  
impressed his superiors. During this time, he was able to  
keep his identity completely secret so that not even his  
Hitokiri-sempai, the short, unremarkable Himura Battousai, knew who he was.  
  
He was among the revelers when the Tokugawa Bakufu fell. And  
how did the Ishin repay one of their most important men? Did  
they shower him with gifts and money? Did they give him a  
high ranking position in the new government? Nooo.  
  
The evil, selfish and weak cowards in the new government decided  
that Shishio-sama was a "danger" and tried to have him  
killed. But Shishio-sama was so strong that despite the fact  
they shot him in the head and lit him on fire, he survived.  
Now the only thing burning was his rage!  
  
He was born anew with the determination to seek out those who  
tried to destroy him and give them a taste of their own  
medicine. Wonderfully attractive and charismatic, despite  
the burns that covered his entire body, Shishio-sama soon  
acquired a large group of followers.  
  
Among them were his adopted son, Seta Soujiro, the Ten-Ken, the  
evil cross dressing wench Kamatari, the fawning Houji,  
Katana Gari Cho (how does his hair do that?) and many others  
that formed his Juppon Gatana. But most important to Shishio-  
sama, besides his Kuni-Tori, was one woman, the beautiful,  
intelligent, sexy, and did I mention beautiful? Komagata  
Yumi.  
  
His love for the comely Yumi burned almost as bright as his  
hatred for the new government and the weak.  
  
And then, in the early summer of 1878, Shishio-sama was just  
days away from realizing his dreams. The Meiji cowards were  
quivering behind their weak and useless armies, the people  
were terrified. All that stood between Shishio-sama and the  
world was the short, unremarkable and weak  
Himura Battousai.  
  
In what was the most horrible twist of fate EVER, Shishio-sama  
actually LOST to the Battousai! How the hell did that  
happen?! We were winning! The little moron was dead! But  
noooo! His stupid friends had to come help him! That was  
soooo unfair! But, on a happy note, the ravishing Yumi was  
able to prove just how useful and more generally wonderful  
she was (especially more wonderful than cross dressing  
scythe wielding freaks) by sacrificing her life to help  
Shishio-sama.  
  
So, Shishio-sama lost. He only lost that battle and he probably  
would have won if he hadn't exploded. After death, he went  
to Hell, where the gorgeous and curvaceous Yumi was waiting  
for him and, with the help of Houji and a few others, began  
his Kuni-Tori of hell. And now, he is running for President  
of the United States of America, and this time, HE WILL BE  
VICTORIOUS!  
  
Written by Komagata Yumi  
(*The opinions expressed by Komagata Yumi  
do not reflect the opinions of the webmistress, or of anyone  
else, for that matter. But, she does ask an interesting  
question: How DOES Cho get his hair to stand up like that?)  


* * *

  
**Yukishiro Enishi**  
  
He was such a nice child, really he was. After our mother died,  
I tried my best to raise him, but I was only a child myself.  
But he was such a good boy. I know other people said he was  
sullen, rude and even violent, but that's just not true.  
Enishi was very, very special. He used to sleep with me, and  
he'd snuggle up next to me and ask me to tell him stories.  
He was so sweet. And when he slept, he looked just like a  
little angel!  
  
He never liked my fiancé, but I thought that Kiyosato was a bit  
hard on him. I mean, Enishi didn't mean any harm that time  
he hit Kiyosato on the head with father's large copper pot.  
He was just playing!  
  
And Kenshin...oh, Enishi really didn't like Kenshin. But really,  
my husband could have tried harder. Instead of yelping and  
trying to fling Enishi off when he would bite him, he could  
have just sat him down and had a little talk with him about  
manners. It always worked when I did it.  
  
He was such a nice child.  
  
What's that? Oh, I don't know what he did after I died. I'm sure  
went to live with some nice family who appreciated how  
special he was.  
  
Oh, he did? See, I thought so. What?  
He killed them? All of them? Oh dear...well...they must have  
been terrible to him, after all, Enishi is a nice person.  
  
He did what? He was an arms dealer in Shanghai? He killed how  
many people? Oh...my...there must be some mistake...  
Tortured Kenshin? Kidnapped Kaoru? He did? Oh dear...  
  
And he was such a nice child.  
  
Written by Yukishiro Tomoe  


* * *

  
Okon and Omasu haven't given me Hiko's yet. They keep saying they need to do  
more "research". Whatever. I think it's just an excuse to fawn more over  
Hiko. VP Bios following soon.  
-Gem


	4. Vice Presidential Candidate Bios

VP Bios  
  
05/10/04 Okay, here are the VP bios. Tomoe, Houji and Aoshi. I didn't really change much  
here, just a few cosmetic touches. This, in case you are interested, originally debuted on  
October 12, 2000. (P.S. I was going through a Weiss Kreuz phase at the time, as you probably  
noticed.)

* * *

Once again...caffeine buzzzzz.....wooo....I spend WAY too much time at the  
vending machine. Oh...wanna hear something fun? I just managed to convinvce  
my Asian art teacher to let me write my final paper on anime. Wow, I guess  
I'll be spending a lot of time doing "research". Now, where is my Escaflowne  
tape? Heh heh heh. Okay, well, this continues the Presidential bios, only  
now we take a look at the VP candidates. Spoilers galore, since Tomoe's a  
candiate, but I guess y'all know that.  
Oh, and these probably aren't 100% accurate, but hell...  
Enjoy!

* * *

Once again, I was too lazy...err..busy to write the  
bios for the candidates. It was not very difficult to get  
Misao to agree to write Aoshi's, but getting Kenshin to  
write Tomoe's was no small feat. He was REAL reluctant to do  
it. But I showed him what Enishi wrote for her bio and he  
finally agreed. I mean, I understand why Enishi hates  
Kenshin and all, but writing: DIE BATTOUSAI! over and  
over again doesn't exactly describe Tomoe very well. And as  
for Houji...there was no one to ask. So, I did the best I  
could with that one. Oh well. It's AYA TIME!!(Off to do "research" with my  
Weiss Kreuz tapes. Isn't Farfie fun? And I want my own pocket sized  
Schuldrich. "Is that a Schuldrich in your pocket or are you just happy to  
see me?") WOOO!

* * *

Shinomori Aoshi  
  
Shinomori Aoshi-sama was born in 1853. He's ten years older  
than me, but that's okay! Himura is ten years older than  
Kaoru and look at those two! Anyway, back to my Aoshi-sama...  
  
According to Jiya (who was half distracted all the time because  
of this really pretty young woman who was at the Aoi-ya  
today, Jiya no hentai!) Aoshi came to the Oniwabanshuu when  
he was five or so. By the time he was ten, he was already an  
accomplished fighter. (WAI!! Aoshi-sama!) He recruited and  
trained Hannya and Shikijo. Beshimi and Hyottokko were  
already members of the Oniwabanshuu by then, but they all  
sort of came together and often performed missions as a  
group.  
  
Omasu just told me that when I was little, Aoshi-sama used to  
tell me stories to get me to go to sleep at night. She said  
that once he even sang to me but Hannya laughed at him so  
hard he never did it again. Hannya no baka! I bet Aoshi-sama  
has a wonderful voice. Everything about Aoshi-sama is  
wonderful! Hmm...okay, Misao! New mission: make Aoshi-sama  
smile and sing!  
  
Oh, this is supposed to be a biography. Okay. Aoshi-sama became  
leader of the Oniwabanshuu when he was fifteen after Jiya  
told my grandpa that what they needed was a new, dynamic  
young leader who could take them into Japan's new future.  
Aoshi-sama's fighting style was taught to him by my father  
and grandfather. It's called Kodachi Nitou Ryuu and it uses,  
you guessed it! Kodachi! Of course, more advanced techniques  
call for the use of two kodachi. He also is very skilled at  
kempo. You should see him practice! He moves soooo  
gracefully...and his muscles ripple under his clothing,  
sweat glistens.....  
  
Okay, I'm back. Sorry about that. Anyway, after the Oniwabanshuu  
were disbanded when the Tokugawa Bakufu ended, most of our  
people got jobs in the government or became ordinary  
citizens. But, people like Hannya, Shikijo, Beshimi and  
Hyottoko had no other skills and couldn't reassimilate into  
society. Since he had basically made them who they were,  
Aoshi-sama took them under his wing and they set off to find  
jobs in the new Meiji era.  
  
They found jobs as body guards and hired "goons" as Jiya put it  
for very bad people. I'm not going to go into the full story  
since I don't know much of it myself, but Himura went to  
save Megumi-san from the bad guy Aoshi-sama and the others  
were working for, and Hannya, Shikijo, Beshimi and Hyottoko  
died protecting Aoshi-sama from the bad guy they were  
working for. ;.;  
  
Aoshi-sama was kind of lost for a while, but Himura knocked  
some sense into him so he's better now. He's not PERFECT  
yet, but he will be. Mostly, he just sits around and  
meditates. I wonder what he's thinking about??  
  
Shut up Omasu! He is NOT thinking about me naked!  
(Oh, but I wish he was... ;.;)  
  
Anyway, that's my Aoshi-sama! He likes green tea and silence and  
books about boring things. I am positive that he also likes  
me, but, I guess I have to knock some sense into him like  
Himura. Problem is that it's really hard to sneak up on him.  
Aoshi no baka!  
  
He has wonderful black hair and icy blue eyes that make me  
shiver and he's really tall. Mostly he wears meditation  
clothes but when he goes out he wears regular clothes. Last  
month, Okon and Omasu bought him a Western suit and he even  
wore it once! He looked even more handsome than usual.  
  
He also ALWAYS is wearing this long leather trenchcoat, which I don't  
really like, but he makes anything sexy, so, I don't let it bother me.  
  
Written by Makimachi Misao

* * *

Sadojima Houji  
  
No one has written a bio on Houji yet. We tried to find  
someone who really knew him well enough to write a good bio,  
as been our practice, but no one seems to know anything  
about Shishio's obsessive foot soldier. What is known is  
that he was a brilliant strategic planner, good with numbers  
and facts and dealing with the day to day aspects of running  
an empire. What is not known is where he came from, who he  
was before he met Shishio and why he decided to throw his  
lot in with the former Ishin assassin. Perhaps someone could  
enlighten us?

* * *

Yukishiro Tomoe  
  
Well...I must admit, I feel a little awkward about writing  
this. Just don't tell Kaoru, onegai? She's a  
little...er...sensitive about Tomoe. I guess I know why and  
I understand, but really, it shouldn't be an issue. The most  
obvious reason is that Tomoe is well...she's dead, so I  
don't really forsee her coming and throwing a wrench into  
Kaoru's and my relationship. The other reason is that yes, I  
love Tomoe, she was my wife, but she wasn't replaced by  
Kaoru, nor does Tomoe have some sort of monopoly on my  
heart. I love them both, but for different reasons.  
  
But that's not important. The reason you're here is because you  
want to know about Tomoe. Oh, and just because I'm writing this  
doesn't mean I endorse Enishi. He really needs professional  
help. Anyway, on to Tomoe.  
  
She was born in September, 1846 in Edo, Japan to lower middle  
class Samurai parents. Her mother died while giving birth to  
Enishi several years later and as a result, Tomoe became a  
mother to him. She never spoke much about her father, but  
from what I gathered, he was a very quiet, soft spoken man  
who worked hard to support the family.  
  
She was engaged to Kiyosato Akira when she was about ten or so,  
and she told me that she really loved him. But because her  
father was so introverted and she had no mother to show her  
differently, it was difficult for her to show her emotions.  
Kiyosato left for Kyoto to join with the Tokugawa factions  
there to impress her and perhaps make a good living for  
them. He never knew how much she really loved him.  
  
This is where I, unfortunately, enter the picture. Kiyosato was  
acting as a guard for a Tokugawa official, Juebei, who was  
marked for death by the Ishin. In the process of performing  
that assassination, I also killed Kiyosato, but not before  
he scarred my face.  
  
Upon hearing of his death, Tomoe vowed revenge on the man who  
killed him, me. She allied herself with the Yaminobu, a  
ninja clan loyal to the Shogunate. And then she came to  
Kyoto to find me.  
  
I don't want to get into the specifics after this, as they are  
rather painful to me personally, but I will say this:  
She died trying to save me. The last thing she told me was  
not to cry for her.  
  
Despite whatever failings she might have had, in the end, she  
was a strong, beautiful woman who died for love. She was 19  
years old.  
  
Written by Himura Kenshin  
  
Gemini Notes: please don't flame me about Tomoe. I know some people have  
rather heated opinions about her, but I don't really care. After all,  
Kenshin was the one who wrote this, so you should e-mail him. Unfortunately,  
as he lives in Meiji era Japan, getting him to a computer might prove  
difficult.  
His e-mail addy is: peacefulrurounikamiya.dojo.orororo  
Hee hee. That was a joke. Hee hee.  
Here's an excerpt from Enishi's bio of Tomoe:  
The battousai killed my nee-san. DIE BATTOUSAI! DIE! DIE!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!  
DIE...(etc.)

* * *

Hiko doesn't have a VP candidate since he says he doesn't need one.  
And on the Hiko note...shoots pointed look at Omasu and Okon his bio  
isn't ready yet. Sometime in this millenium, ladies?  
-Gem  
  
Thinks of other RK people's e-mail addresses: You know these don't really  
work, right? XD  
Yahiko: callmechananddieTokyo.Samurai.com  
Saitou (this was obvious) AkuSokuZanMiburo.Com  
Sano: FutaenokiwamiSagarataicho.com  
Kaoru: loverurounishinai.com  
Tae: Payyourdamntabsanoakabeko.com  
Katsu: Meijisuxmeiji.gov  
Aoshi: HannyaBeshimiShikijo.Hokkyotoko.com  
Misao: luvaoshisamagenki.com  
Gemini has run out of ideas. Must drink Coke...must stimulate brain  
cells.... 


	5. Poll Update

05/10/04: This was just an update on the polls that were open and running  
at the time. I blatantly put myself in this fic! Yeah! Just call me Mary Sue!

* * *

A Quick Look At The Polls!  
  
Peter Jennings: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Tonight, an election  
special. Who is winning? Who is losing and who just might pull ahead? Let's  
go to our reporter, Gemini, who is live in Washington D.C., with the current  
poll results. Gemini?  
  
Gemini: Thank you, Peter. Ladies and gentlemen, here are the current  
statistics:  
Himura Kenshin is leading with 45% of the vote,  
following in second place is Hiko Seijuuro with 28%, Yukishiro Enishi has  
captured 17% and Shishio Makoto trails at a distant 10%.  
We have Himura Kaoru, Himura's wife and top political advisor, standing by.  
Himura-san?  
  
Kaoru: Actually, I prefer to go by Kamiya. Kenshin moved into MY house. If  
you ask me, he should change HIS name to Kamiya.  
  
Gemini: Err..right. Anyway, how does this early lead make your camp feel?  
  
Kaoru: Elated, and not at all surprised. I'll admit that we were a little  
worried when Hiko opened his big, fat mouth and joined the race, but as you  
can see, it hasn't really mattered.  
  
Gemini: What about Kenshin do you think resonates with the voters?  
  
Kaoru: Well, his beautiful hair, deep violet eyes...(gets starry eyed)  
  
Gemini:(sweatdrop) Actually, I meant, what about him politically?  
  
Kaoru:...and his rough hands...(recovers herself) Oh, that? I dunno, he's  
just really sweet. He has everyone's best interests in mind and the people  
can really sense that.  
  
Gemini: Okay, thanks KAMIYA-san. Now, we also have Seta Soujiro, advisor to  
Shisho Makoto. Seta-san, how is your camp reacting to Shishio's low numbers?  
  
Soujiro: Actually, we don't really advise him. He doesn't need us to.  
  
Gemini: Right.  
  
Soujiro: Shishio-sama has decided that the United States of America is  
a very weak country, and as such, must be destroyed.  
  
Gemini: Saying that with a huge smile on your face is kind of creepy,  
Seta-san.  
  
Soujiro:   
  
Gemini: Right...Peter, back to you!  
  
PJ: Thanks, Gemini. Good job on your first blatant self insertion fic.  
  
Gemini: Why, thank you. I'm no Katie Couric, but I get the job done.  
  
PJ: Any last thoughts?  
  
Gemini: Well, I'd like to thank those who have already voted and encourage  
the rest to drop by the polls and cast their vote! (05/10/2004: No, don't, 'cause  
they no longer exist.)  
  
PJ: We all hope they will. Next, we have a disturbing expose on the nature  
of crime fighting. Have the police gone too far? A recent episode of COPS  
from Tokyo exposes the seamy underside of the police.  
And one officer, with his own code of justice, comes under fire.  
  
A clip rolls (the theme song of COPS can be heard.)  
  
The suspect was seen snatching a purse from an old lady, nearby officers on  
foot gave chase.  
  
Saitou: Aku Soku Zan.  
Suspect can be heard screaming.  
  
PJ: Disturbing. Next, on Nightline.  
  



	6. Another Poll Update

05/10/04: In a creepy parallel with what was actually going on at the time,  
there was an extremely narrow margin of votes separating Hiko and Kenshin. I'm  
talking like 2%. Or something. Hey, it's been four years. Leave me alone.  
Needless to say, it was quite exciting to see how the election shaped up in the final few  
weeks.

* * *

Another Election Update!  
  
Peter Jennings: This just in: A preliminary count has revealed Hiko Seijuuro  
trailing his baka deshi, Himura Kenshin, by a mere 2% of the vote. Already,  
some are calling for a recount. Here's a snippet from a press conference  
called earlier today:  
  
Shishio Makoto: I demand a recount! It is quite obvious that there have been  
mistakes made!  
  
Gemini: Uh...Shishio? You lost by...oh...let's just say a lot.  
  
SM: That just proves my point. Obviously, voters were confused and voted for  
Himura and Hiko by accident.  
  
Gemini: I don't really think so...the ballots weren't confusing at all. I  
saw them myself when I voted.  
  
SM: And who did you vote for, Gemini?  
  
Gemini: (sweatdrop) Ah ha ha ha...I...  
  
SM: You voted for me, right?  
takes a menacing step forward  
  
Gemini: Uh, sure, right. I voted for you.  
  
SM: I thought so.  
  
.............back to Peter Jennings  
PJ: This year's election could make history. We'll keep you updated.  
  
Eerie...isn't it? When I saw the results I nearly choked on my Dr.  
Pepper.You could still vote, since the real election technically isn't over.  
Lord, this is EXACTLY why I'm not a poli-sci major! Heh heh heh.  
  
-Gemini  
"Everything is better on a stick!"-Me  
  
(No, don't vote. The election is over.)  



	7. The End

05/10/04: Um, this has to be, without a doubt, my favorite chapter in the universe.  
I couldn't stop laughing while I wrote it.

* * *

Heavens...I have been a busy little beaver. Well, with my vacation almost  
over (sob, sob) I decided to finish as many things as I could. So here we  
are, with the final addition to Elections 2000! (Remember that?) Join me  
(pointless self insertion) and my friend Peter Jennings as we sort out the  
mess that was this past year's elections. Special Guest Stars: The United  
States Supreme Court!  
  
Warnings: Cursing, some spoiling (And some of the jokes might only make  
sense if you were subjected to hours of CSPAN -thanks a lot, dad!)  
  
Ja!  
Gem

* * *

Elections 2000!  
  
Peter Jennings: It's been two months since the elections ended, but the  
battle for the White House has continued. However, since all the legal  
wrangling and delicate manipulation was deemed by our viewers as "boring",  
instead of airing continual coverage of the struggle for power, we aired  
reruns of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue Special '99. As a result, ABC  
has enjoyed its highest ratings ever. But, things look to be picking up. So,  
we go now to our Washington D.C. correspondent, Gemini to tell us what is  
going on. Gemini?  
  
Gemini: Thank you, Peter. As you can see, I am standing in the court room of  
the Supreme Court. Since this is a silly self insertion fic, I will now ask  
our viewers to pretend that cameras are allowed here. All right, let me  
quickly sum up what has been going on these past two months for our viewers  
who have just emerged from their caves:  
  
Himura Kenshin, the democratic candidate for President was believed to have   
won the Presidency by an extremely narrow margin over his shishou, Hiko Seijuuro.   
After the announcement by Florida voting officals that Himura had won the state, Hiko  
gracefully bowed out, saying that being the president would cut into his  
sake drinking and pottery throwing time. All looked well for Himura, until  
another one of his challengers, Shishio Makoto, cried foul, declaring the  
votes in Florida to be null.  
  
Of course, Shishio lost by a huge margin, but he declared that the people  
were confused and actually meant to vote for him. Himura challenged  
Shishio's declaration and we find ourselves here today to await the final  
word from the Supreme Court. I have with me Himura Kenshin, the man who  
might be President.  
  
Himura, how do you feel about all of this?  
  
Kenshin: I am confident that the justices will see through Shishio's smoke  
screen and defend my win. This has been an exhausting two months and I, for  
one, will be relieved when it's over.  
  
Gemini: Thank you. Peter, the Justices are entering the room, so let's see  
what happens.  
  
Justice Kennedy: Let's get down to business. Shishio Makoto, you have  
declared the election to be null, would you care to address this?  
  
Shishio: Yes, I believe the elections were unconstitutional.  
  
Justice Suiter: On what grounds?  
  
Shishio: I was prevented from voting for myself as many times as I wanted,  
thus depriving me of my constitutional right to vote.  
  
Justice Ginsberg: I don't remember anything about that in the constitution.  
  
Shishio: It's in there somewhere, hag.  
  
Justice Ginsberg: Excuse me? Did you just call me a hag, bandage boy?  
  
Shishio: Obviously. You are all fools if you cannot see that I deserve to be  
president.  
  
Justice Thomas: "..."  
  
Shinomori Aoshi: "..." (Having a staring contest)  
  
Justice Ginsberg: Well, I've made my decision. How about you guys?  
  
(All the justices, save Thomas, who is still staring at Aoshi, nod)  
  
Justice Ginsberg: Shishio Makoto, it is the ruling of the court that Himura  
Kenshin did, in fact, win the election and will be sworn in as President  
this coming Saturday.  
  
Shishio: That's a lie! I won and you know it you old bag!  
  
Justice Ginsberg: That's it, you asshole! You call me one more name and  
I'll....  
  
Shishio: You'll what? I've survived the Battousai, I'm nearly invincible!  
How could an old, wrinkly tart like you hurt me at all? I could take you  
down in ten seconds!  
  
Justice Ginsberg: Bring it on!!  
  
Shishio draws his sword and rushes towards the bench emitting a loud battle  
cry.  
  
Chaos ensues.  
  
PJ: Gemini? Gemini? What is going on in there?  
  
More chaos ensues. There is screaming, yelling, cursing, furniture is being  
thrown about, everything is wrapped in a cloud of dust.  
  
PJ: Hello? What is going on there?  
  
A voice crackles over the airwaves...  
  
Gemini: Peter? It appears that Shishio Makoto has engaged in hand to hand  
combat with Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg!  
  
Gemini appears a moment later, but disappears again as a chair flys by,  
narrowly missing her head.  
  
Choas continues to ensue....and then begins to slack off....  
  
Moments later, the dust clears.  
  
A triumphant Ruth Bader Ginsberg is standing on top of what looks like a  
pile of dirty rags, waving around a large sword.  
  
Justice Ginsberg: And that's how a kuni tori is DONE, Captain Bandage! Any  
questions?  
  
Shishio groans in pain. Justice Ginsberg cackles while the other Justices,  
save Thomas, who is STILL having a staring contest with Aoshi, applaud.  
  
Justice Thomas: "..."  
Aoshi: "..."  
  
Gemini appears, dusting herself off before speaking,  
  
Gemini: Well, that's why they call it the SUPREME Court, Peter. It seems  
that Himura Kenshin will be sworn in as President this Saturday.  
  
PJ: Oookay. Thank you very much, Gemini.  
  
Gemini (picking a piece of plaster out of her hair): Your welcome. This  
should be a fun four years.  
  
PJ: Indeed. .;  
  
----The End (Or is it?)  
  
Enishi: Wait a second! What about me and Nee-san?!  
  



End file.
